


She Cries For The Life She Cannot Remember

by mylifeisitalic



Category: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi | Spirited Away
Genre: Coming of Age, F/M, Light Angst, i rewatched spirited away and wrote this, poem, slight romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 15:19:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20027977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeisitalic/pseuds/mylifeisitalic
Summary: Chihiro's journey, both physically and spiritually (cough cough), through the spirit realm.





	She Cries For The Life She Cannot Remember

She cries for the life she cannot remember

She weeps for the ones she cannot reach

Airy cotton unto heavy hemp

Words rise to her mind

Her paper-fragile mind

Where does the story begin?

Bamboo and rough woodgrain

Dusty feet as a dry riverbed

Rough white cloth and silken hair

Eyes that shine like freshwater pearls

Shadows can’t hurt you

But this one is different

It watches her

Tracks her movements

Watches from behind cool painted porcelain

Inside, something is writhing, aching, hungry, _desperate, **greedy**_

The train treks on

Through dusk and dawn

And rain and shine

An ocean cannot stop it

Rhythm and noise, noise and rhythm

Wanderlust comes to mind

Where are they going, those shadow creatures?

What dreams and hopes and fears and sorrows

Have they seen

A stranded island

Flashing signs

The passenger heaves his luggage

And exits

One purpose in mind

Foulness stems from cruelty

It squelches on

Clogged, choked

Something alien

Shifting in its throat

It tries to speak but only gargles on

The disaster pooling in its veins-

_Fix it_

Tantalizing tempting taste

They beckon her

But the girl of a thousand does not heed their call

She knows not greed but childish worries

And like most children she

Knows

Not

To

Trust

Strangers

But the boy standing before her is no stranger

She knows him

He knows her

She heeds his warning

But this world is determined to keep her here

it’sjustadreamit’sjustadreamit’sjustadream

The girl of a thousand knows not greed but childish fear

And she lashes out blindly

Nonsense is sense and sense is nonsense and nonsense is sense

Sen(ce)

Sloth captures her

Begs her to stay

Appeals to her exhaustion

But fear

Which is not quite a sin

Already has her in its grasp

And she wriggles her way

Out of the comfortable prison

Plucking up her strength once more

The girl of a thousand

Grits her teeth and

Fights the swamp of discard

Pulls the rope and

Water

Comes pouring out

It’s not yet a river

But she knows how to make it one

It leaves a gift for them

Worth nothing to her

It leaves a gift for her

Worth nothing to them

What is valuable?

Who is valuable?

Who can say?

Her screams are not heard

But for the wind

Who tugs at her cruelly

It’s a long way down

Especially for the girl

With legs as frail

As her mind

Steam curls smugly around her ears

Her hair, her fingertips

It sings to her thinly

_Intruder, hello sweet intruder_

She’s gone all the way down

There’s no way left to go but up

So she gathers up all her courage

In her hands

Like a hairband

Gathers up her hair

Deities have no business with mortals

Divinity is virtue, while mortality is a soot-stain

Nothing more than childish whims

_Dismissed_

She can’t help obeying

Smoke curls towards her

We meet, sweet intruder

But smoke means fire

And fire engulfs her

Fueled by the spiteful, stinging wind

The girl of a thousand shoves

Her dry sobs down within

And screams as loud as she can

The wind gives in, disgruntled

And gives way to rain

And rain and rain and rain

Enough to make a river

It’s quiet now

But for her heartbeat

Loud and unsteady

But the sun rises

And suddenly

A raincloud finds her

Sticky rice gives way beneath her fingers

And suddenly she doesn’t feel so brave anymore

The sobs she has pushed down

Come bubbling up

Wrenched from her

Like petals from fateful flowers

A painting of serenity

The girl of thousand

And the one she cannot remember

Droplets of suffering

Paint the dry wood

Paper dry

Paper harsh

He flails, rabid, and escapes

And she knows no greater

Fear than the one that

Claims her right then

Fear breeds courage

At least for the child of a thousand

And she binds the sash

Atop her shoulders

Like she will bind the wounds

Of the not-quite stranger

She met one strange dusk ago

The shadow leers to her

Offers her anything

A n y t h i n g

But she knows better and refuses

If the shadow were smarter

It would have offered her

Freedom

Or an antidote for the one

She cannot remember

With everything to lose

The girl of a thousand

Leaves all gambles to fate

You left the shadows in your wake

Fix it, they say, fix it

She thinks to herself

Perhaps it was your own selfish greed-

But no

She doesn’t continue that thought

She gifts the gift

That was given to her

To another

Because she knows not how to banish

But to save

And she draws the shadow away

She cups water in her small palms

And pours it on the ones in need

Because she knows

The water

Is a friend

And because she only knows how to save others

She doesn’t even know how to save herself

The Lady of the Damp

The Lady of Wealth

Knows what she is searching for

Because lost things

Are never really lost

They can always be found

Twin opposites

But not quite

Scalding hot bath water

Earth, moss, swamp

Sympathy, dear child

Dear, sweet, ignorant child

Gets sliced in two

And they plunge

All

the

way

down

The train treks on

Through dusk and dawn

And rain and shine

An ocean cannot stop it

Rhythm and noise, noise and rhythm

Wanderlust comes to mind

Where is she going, this girl of a thousand?

What dreams and hopes and fears and sorrows

Does she have

A stranded island

Flashing signs

She gathers her courage and gathers her friends

And exits

One purpose in mind

Click, squeak

A turn of the wheel

The tap of the needles

But the girl of a thousand is lost at sea

So the Lady of the Damp

Gifts her the purple of dawn

Threaded into an unending strand

Of courage

Rattle

Courage, to look forward

Courage, to remember

(Courage, to look back?)

The water is a friend

Just like the boy is a friend

Just like the dragon is a friend

And all three are one and the same

The dawn ribbon, the gift, the mouse, the shadow, the two Ladies

The boy in front of her

This time she follows the river to the sea

And gladly gets lost

In its rushing waters

Leave before it gets dark

Hold your breath when crossing the bridge

Names have power

Remember

Pull the rope to let the water flow

Sixth stop, Swamp Bottom

Now, the boy she can remember

Tells her one last thing

Go, and don’t look back

.

.

.

It’s the hardest order to follow

She sobs for the boy she loves and lost

But once you meet someone

You never really forget them

You will always remember

And so she uses the new dawn to pin back her hair

The girl of a thousand

Who knows endless courage

Plunges back in once more

**Author's Note:**

> I love Studio Ghibli because it's so beautiful and makes you appreciate the little things in life. Spirited Away is one of my favorites and honestly I lowkey ship Haku and Chihiro. Just my tribute to Hayao Miyazaki.


End file.
